The Proud Franchise

The Zombie Apocalypse is Upon Us

By now, we all know that Wilson Chandler inadvertently bit David Lee in the arm and lost a tooth in the process. However, Lee hasn't played a single game since then.

Hmmmm.

David Lee NBA 2K11 Commercial

I know. I know. David Lee is not a Knicker anymore. I's just glad to see the boy shine... elsewhere, of course.

Amar'e [and Mickey] on Melo

Oh, Fanhouse. You know you's sho' liz wrong for this shit.

Have we not the decency to avoid following Amar'e Stoudemire around while he's taking his babies to see Mickey Mouse? Is nothing sacred anymore?

D. Lee Speaks On Freaky Zekey

The New York Daily News--AKA Lupica 'n Nem--reports that former New York Knick David Lee doesn't exactly give Isiah Thomas the old Gator Chomp for his managerial competence.

Happy Birthday, Cockface!

Go! Go! Go, shawty. Issha berfday.

8/8/88: A date which will live in infamy.

The State of Knickerdom

Greetings to all ye Knicker Lovers, Proud Ones, skip-skaps and scollywhops alike.

As you may have observed, somebody (*cough cough* me) finally figured out how to use Photoshop around this motherfucker.

Yep. The Proud-- The Proud Franchise is back!

Kobe Bryant: White Hot

White hot indeed, Kobe Bryant. Work it, bitch! You make love to that camera... and buy it a $5 million blood diamond.

Seriously, people. Look into those eyes! Everything about this picture is whiter and hotter than a Denver-area hotel towel.

An Exercise in Futility

No. I haven't been on suicide watch. I've actually come to expect this much awful from the New York Knicks. The shit doesn't even hurt anymore.

Tonight's Yahoo! front page only gets yesterday's debacle half-right. I watched [some of] this shit [before watching the first half of UNC's warrior training]. The Knicks didn't lose to the league-worst New Jersey Nets. They were demolished. Adding insult to the simultaneous knee and back injury that is losing by 20 to The Bad News Bears of basketball, The Proud Ones set a three-point shooting futility record.

An Evening of Legendary Proportions

We've forgone the Tracy McGrady welcome entry to be cornily titled Return of the Mac. Despite an auspicious beginning to McGrady's Knick career, the game itself surely spurred Mac 10 handle-esque evenings for many a Proud One.

Oh, word? Just me? Well, nevermind then.

Tonight the New York Knicks celebrated their annual Legends Night, which I can only assume will honor the same handful of guys for as long as it continues. Last year's Legends Night saw an appreciation ceremony for  Willis Reed, Carl Braun, Richie Guerin, Walt Frazier, Tricky Dick McGuire, Bernard King and Patrick Ewing. Tonight's affair celebrated the 1970 championship team the only way The Proud Franchise knows how to, with a deflating 83-67 loss to the Milwaukee Bucks.

Help Nate Get Right

It's been a long time. We shouldn't have left you. We'll be getting caught up on The Proud Universe this weekend. However, here's some of that Twutter action in the meantime, Kinney.

Riiiiiiight...

David Lee: 2010 NBA All-Star

When I found out David Lee would replace Allen Iverson on the 2010 Eastern Conference NBA All-Star roster, I was very happy for the young man. I also thought the selection made sense and that he deserved to be there. As of now, I'm not so sure.

Aside from "this feeling," the one thing my heart is sure of is that David Stern left dozens of threatening messages on Iverson's Boost Mobile voicemail. Now if only Kevin Garnett can have a tizzy with one of his secret illegitimate baby mamas, Josh Smith can get himself a spot as well.

At any rate, Lee is finally an NBA All-Star. Whoop-dee-fuckin' doo, Proud Ones. Maybe I'm a little jaded, but I'd like to think a team with an All-Star on it doesn't take a massive shit, place both feet into the toilet bowl and pull the flush handle.

Trading the Franchise: Jared Jeffries

Real GM has a pretty solid piece on possible trade scenarios for the New York Knicks' current franchise player, Jared Jeffries.

It's been posted for an entire week now, but given Knickerdom's recent rough stretch and the fast-approaching February 18th trade deadline, we might as well openly discuss such matters.

I must preface by mentioning that I began this season thinking Jeffries' increased playing time was, in fact, a trade showcase. He's long since won me over with his inspired play. Jeffries has finally begun to realize the potential that ballaholics and scouts saw in the Indiana University standout/freak of nature/1-5 position player back in 2002. Nearly every notch on the Knicks' meager win total is a direct result of his emergence as either a defensive catalyst or an agent of offensive cohesion. At this point I have to give him his due as the The Proud Ones' most important player.

Yes, I am aware that David Lee plays for the same team and missed an All-Star berth by a toenail's distance.

Knicks 107, Washington 85

This game was not as entertaining or disparate in team play as the final score would indicate. Ask the uninterested NBA.com recap guy. Sure, he always sounds like they snatched him out of a sports bar and put him in front of a microphone. But, that's not even the point.

The Caron Butler-less Washington Wizards Knicked away a 9-point third quarter lead, allowing Nate Robinson to have his way with an uninterested defense. New York's Lilliputian led The Proud Ones to a 22-point victory--a quick reversal of fortune from what just as easily could have been a defeat of the same margin.

Arenas Seeks to Guide Youth

While 2010 DN Tournament top-seed Gilbert Arenas is saying all the right things on his way to the booty house, his redemption is still a long way off.

According to an ESPN report, Arenas insists that he will emerge from prison reformed and ready to nurture the youngsters of Washington D.C.

If I may quote one R. Clayton Davis, "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit!"

The Week in Knickerdom

I am very close to a decree indicating that I am in no way, shape or form involved in any Knickerdom.

Last night's 121-91 blowout loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves punctuates what may very well be the New York Knicks' descent into the abyss. Walt Clyde Frazier often describes the Knicks as a "a team that cannot handle prosperity." His assessment holds true on many levels, as exhibited by The Proud Ones having blown a 22-7 first quarter lead. They allowed a 16-4 run to end the opening period and finished the half down 49-46. But, you knew why type of party this was going to be with about 3 minutes left in the first period.

Greg Oden Cannot Be Cock Blocked

 

Could this be the lady friend Greg Oden is sending lewd pictures to?

Earlier this week, there was an outrage over pictures of Oden's member posted on the internet--which has caused Enzyte stock to skyrocket.

I Dream of Rubio

The Don is at it again.

There are reports from a certain New York publication that Donnie Walsh still has his eyes on a certain 19 year old from Spain. No, the pedophilia laws in Spain are not more lenient for older, upper class Caucasian males. Walsh is still looking for ways to acquire Ricky Rubio, the Spanish prodigy originally drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves.  

Duh-wight Howard's Barkley Impersonation

Heyyyyyyy, worrrrrrrrrrld!

Looks like we've got ourselves some competition with the Charles Barkley impersonations. Dwight Howard takes a stab at it.

Dwight Howard does his best Charles Barkley impression for EJ, Kenny, CWebb and Charles 1.21.10 from Turner Sports on Vimeo.

2010 NBA All-Star Starters Cause Uproar

 

TNT unveiled the 2010 NBA All-Star starting rotation this past Thursday. You can see the 10 finalists above.

Many are clamoring over Allen Iverson making the All-Star game as a starter and how he doesn't deserve to make it. We at The Proud Franchise are not upset over AI's inclusion in the mid-season classic. Iverson helped usher Hip Hop sensibilities into the NBA landscape. In terms of press, he has become one of the league's more under-appreciated players because of it. Also, let's be real. Only good things can come of AI in an exhibition game. No, we are not mad at that.

Stephon Marbury: China's Finest

Stephon Marbury's retirement from basketball has come to an end, Proud Ones. Huzzah!

The former NBA All-Star has signed with the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons of the Chinese Basketball Association. According to Yahoo! Sports, Marbury will earn a reported monthly salary of $25,000--a stark contrast from the $21 million he earned last season in the NBA.

Marbury's sacrifice in salary may not be just another weed-induced lapse in judgment. He expects to market his Starbury line of shoes and apparel to China's... umm... ginormous population.

Knicks 99, Detroit 91

...and Brother Martin smiles on The Proud Ones yet again.

The New York Knicks stop the bleeding for now, taking advantage of a Richard Hamilton/Ben Gordon/Tayshaun Prince-less Detroit Pistons 99-91 to split the Dr. Martin Luther King, jr. Day weekend home-and-home.

Knicks Consider Jumping the Gun?

According to Chris Sheridan from ESPN's True Hoop Blog network, Donnie Walsh did not dismiss the possibility of the New York Knicks trading for Gilbert Arenas.  

Now I have to ask two questions:

Knicks 104, Raptors 112 + Knicks 90, Pistons 94

Can you tell the difference between the two nightmarish New York Knicks losses this weekend?

There's "respectable final score" L number one...

...and, there's number two. Hark! 'Twas a shitty weekend, indeed.

I love Eli Zaret's suit. He looks like he'd just come in from a long day at the track. Also, the Detroit Pistons haven't changed their graphics since Rodney Stuckey was Joe Dumars.

[Blogger's Note: Blasphemy, I know.]

Birdman[, Red Monkey!] - Mattress King Commercial

I don't know why, but I've never been more convinced that Chris Andersen is done with the junk.

He got crossed up pretty good by that goofy kid, though.

Props to Mike Crown for putting us onto the video and title.

This weekend's game recaps are on deck. Worry not.

Oklahoma City Local News [Rightfully] Clowns Knicks

The New York Knicks really played themselves with that ghost excuse shit. Now we have to deal with that biting Oklahoma City satire.

Like I mentioned in our initial coverage, it had to be Eddy Curry--as if he was in any danger of seeing game action. Of course, Oklahoma City media and locals can't clown the Knicks without clowning themselves.

Knicks 93, Philadelphia 92

The New York Knicks edged the Philadelphia 76ers 93-92 last night in a battle of heavy-hearted frontcourt anchors.

While David Lee and Samuel Dalembert both had much cause to hit the sauce, it's the NBA.com recap guy who sounds drunk.

Knicks Blame Haunted House for Ghastly OKC Loss

The house isn't haunted. You motherfuckers just hear the boos in your subconscious. It's gotten that bad for some of these guys.

The New York Daily News reports that several members of the New York Knicks were terrified by their temporary living quarters prior to a 106-88 loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder. Jared Jeffries and Eddy Curry even go as far as to say the team hotel was "haunted."

Happy New Year, Knicker Lovers!

I was going to make a long-winded apology and explanation for our hiatus, but none of that shit is really relevant. What does matter is that, 2010 finds our proud warriors at a crossroads. Gregg Popabitch and I have returned to help see you through what's sure to be a highly entertaining season. Granted, it won't be Isiah-era entertaining, but what could be more fascinating than watching Mr. Thompson work?

Oh, right. There's always Danilo Gallinari singing Beyonce's "Halo."

Sing that shit, cockface!

David Lee for Carlos Boozer?

I must admit that while I love reading incessant trade chatter, I don't like to comment on it like the rest of the Chatty Cathy sports media. I'm not saying they're wrong for doing their jobs or whatever, but if you refresh RealGM as much as I do, believing every entry will make you a very confused ho.

The Curious Selection of Jordan Hill

No. Not that one! The other one! The one with the nail in it.

Let's hope this Jordan Hill is as mature as he looks.

Knicks Acquire 29th Overall Pick from Lakers

According to DraftExpress.com's Jonathan Givony, the New York Knicks have acquired the 29th overall selection in the 2009 NBA Draft from the Los Angeles Lakers for cash considerations.

Al Harrington Has Made It... For Us!

Stephon Marbury ain't the only Knickerbocker with some cheap-ass shoes.

Al Harrington doubles up with $34.99 Protege jumpoffs... Exclusively at KMart, chillens.

Krypto-NATE!

The Proud Ones would like to congratulate our favorite Lilliputian on his second All-Star Slam Dunk victory.

That's right, Nate Robinson. Superman that ho.

Black Mamba Bites Back With 61

That's right. Yours truly, Gregg Popabitch was in attendance for a historic night at Madison Square Garden on February 2nd. 

Quote of the Day: David Lee on Shaq

Should-be All-Star forward David Lee had some choice words for the media hounds (and Shaquille O'Neal) following a 102-98 MLK Classic victory over the Chicago Bulls at The Garden.

Alonzo Mourning & Dwyane Wade Gatorade G2 Life Commercials

I know this one's old, but it just won't go the fuck away.

I tell you what, if Zo keep fuckin around with that Grape Kool-Aid he's gonna lose an inexcusable third kidney.

Look at him as he unwaveringly pushes the white man's poison on our people. *shaking head*

Starbury's Back and Ready For His Closeup, Mr. DeMille!

I don't know about you, but I've damn sure been waiting for the next installment of Iron Mike'd Up with Bruce Beck and Stephon Marbury.

Warning: The tough questions get asked.

Braylon Edwards Misses LeBron's Love

(You see Braylon here? He's trying to teabag LeBron too.)

By Gregg Popabitch

Yesterday afternoon, Braylon Edwards drove a dagger into the spinal cord of one, Lebron James. Braylon dropped bombs on Lebron much like he dropped 3 passes against the Dallas Cowboys this past Sunday.

Let's take a look at the comments, shall we?

Shawn Kemp Signs With Montegranaro, Italian Parents Lock Up Daughters in Anticipation

Just recently Shawn Kemp had signed with Serie A Premiata Montegranaro in the Italian basketball league--thus continuing the exodus of current and former NBA players to European basketball leagues.

Allan Houston Can't Stay Away, Would "Love to Help" Knicks in Upcoming Season

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Now an entire season removed from the crippling effect of Allan Houston's league-maximum $100 million, 6-year contract, the New York Knicks may elect to make room for yet another guard on their 20-man preseason roster.

"Crippling"--such an interesting choice of words.

Clipse Deal for Camby, Leave Knicks Holding Z-Balls

Maybe New York Knicks GM Donnie Walsh should have just taken that second rounder for Zach Randolph.

Marcus Camby just got moved from the Denver Nuggets to the Knicks' only potential sucker Los Angeles Clippers for a switch of late-round draft picks that may ne'er need be switched. Stinging even more is that the deal takes effect in 2010, a year in which the Knicks have no draft selections of any kind.

Stephon Marbury is the NBA's Answer to Mike Tyson

Il Gallo wasn't the only special foreign body making an American television debut yesterday at Vegas Summer League.

Stephon Marbury's new facial tattoo made its first appearance as well.

Chandler, Cockface Shine in Vegas Summer League Opener

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

LAS VEGAS - First round selection Danilo "Il Gallo" Gallinari sidestepped a Darko-like first quarter to post an impressive debut as the New York Knicks defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers and extended their Vegas Summer League-leading win streak to 6 games.

Last season's Vegas Summer League MVP, Nate Robinson, was not in attendance due to nagging baby mama issues.

[Editor's Note: Vegas Summer League win-streak and championship defense are the only positive news stories surrounding Knick Universe at the moment.]

Clips Try to Trade Squat Pick for Z-Bo, Walsh Says "No, I Got Balls!"

The Los Angeles Clippers want a Zach Randolph for a 2nd round pick? That's it?!?!

No, thanks. 

Z-Bo might be a complete dolt with an albatross contract but he still has 20-10 ability. You don't just throw that away because you want to get under the cap. Apparently Big Donnie DOES have some sense. Elgin and DUNNleavy, step your game up.

Clips Mean Business While Warriors Prefer Brand, Not Generic

Pop Quiz: Which of these guys just received a $65 million dollar contract over 6 years from the Los Angeles Clippers?

A)

B)

C) 

D)

If you answered "D)," I'm not surprised. This is not rocket science. Baron Davis had been wooed by the Clippers the moment Free Agency began and is now poised to reward the Clips by leading them back to respectability.

Agent Zero, This Is Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept It...

Remember those old episodes of Mission Impossible in which the agent would go to a tape recorder that would tell him what his next mission (if he chose to accept it) would be and then warn:

"This tape will self-destruct in 5 seconds?"

If you answered "yes" and are wondering why I ask... Consider the follwing scenario:

TPF 2008 NBA Draft Coverage: Gregg Popabitch, Live from Madison Square Garden

Yes, yours truly, Gregg Popabitch, attended the 2008 NBA Draft at Madison Square Garden. Your boy was rubbing elbows (not other bodily limbs, no homo) with basketball fans, NBA big wigs, and future household names.

Some notes from the event:

2008 NBA Draft Live Blog

7:35PM - David Stern is clearly trying to incite a riot.

7:38 - "And with the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft the Chicago Bulls..." do exactly what everyone expected. Welcome home, Derrick [Rose]!

7:41 - Rose says he has to come in and lead. Slow down, rook. You might not start. Let the team clear some space before you usher yourself in, my nigga.

7:44 - Michael Beasley better have gone second.

7:45 - Beasley's mom looks pretty young. I think I saw her on this past season of "Flavor of Love." She didn't make it out of that first night. She and homegirl with the underbite shared a cab home.

7:48 - O.J. Mayo's gonna loooooove Minnesota. Stern greeted Mayo with that "Heh. Don't fuck this up" look. Thanks, Kevin McHale for NOT fucking this up.

7:51 - Damn. Mayo sounds like a fucking muppet. What's up with his voice? Loving the glasses. Very sophisticated look. They say he's 19 years old. He looks about 31.

7:54 - OHHHH SHIT!!! Seattle really took Russell Westbrook #4 overall. Amazing. Is Jerryd Bayless gonna drop into the second round now? I think this is entirely too high to take such an upside play. Oh, well. Let's go Knicks!

7:55 - Kevin Durant seems pretty happy with the direction. I don't think he's gonna be happy when he's not getting the ball on the wing. Tea Parties in Seattle Oklahoma City next season!

7:57 - Jerryd Bayless seen tossing green-and-yellow promise ring in disgust.

8:01 - Memphis takes Kevin Love. Kniggerbockers are on the clock. It's on, homie!

8:07 - FUCK!!!

8:08 - Alright... If you couldn't tell by my 8:07 reaction, the Knicks just took Danilo Gallinari. We are officialy The Olive Garden. Rooster, you'd better light the fuck up. That is all.

8:09 - Reebok already had the "The Rooster" sneaker ready! It's orange, blue and black. Oh, my god. He'd better not choke on the "cock." Oh, man. Stephen A. Smith even tried to save this kid. New York fans are brutal.

8:12 - The Clipse have got to be happy as fuck to be adding Jerryd Bay--... Wow. Okay. The Clipse have got to be happy as fuck to add Eric "Sandman" Gordon to the Re-Up Gang. Homie's gonna ball. Teams are gonna pay for sleeping on dude. YEEEEAHHHH!!! CANNOOOOONNNNN!!!

8:15 - I've just been informed that Eric Gordon's suit came from Morris Day's forthcoming clothing line, "Mulatto Jizz."

8:18 - The Bucks took Joe Alexander even after trading for Richard Jefferson. I guess there's no rule against starting 5 small forwards. Fuck it. Milwaukee trades one Asian forward for another. Good luck with that, Skiles.

8:25 - Mike and Coach Brown take D.J. Augustin at 9 overall. They needed Brook Lopez. Wow, maybe Brook Lopez needed the Bobcats. He is crying his eyes out over there. There was talk he could go #3.

8:30 - Nets GM Ed Stefanski looked over at Stern like "WTF?" when Robin Lopez didn't follow his twin, Brook, up to the podium. This is exactly what the Nets needed. We're officially on Jerryd Bayless suicide watch. After last night's trade, I'm not sure if the Pacers take Bayless.

8:35 - Bayless is finally selected. Kid didn't even shake Stern's hand. He was like, "Gimme my cap, nigga."

8:38 - Bayless is going to smack T.J. Ford in the back of the neck as hard as he can at the first Pacer practice session.

8:41 - Sacramento suddenly put the seniors out of their misery. I don't think any of the Garden hooligans had any idea who was just selected. Rider F/C Jason Thompson? That was a Balkman moment, except Isiah didn't draft him for us.

8:47 - Brandon Rush sneaks into the lottery. Wow. That's gonna be pretty confusing for Portland. Brandon Roy. Brandon Rush. Eh, maybe not. It'll be more like "Brandon Roy... nigga on the bench.... Kareem's brother."

8:51 - "With the 14th pick in the NBA Draft the Golden State Warriors select Patrick O'Bryant Anthony Randolph!"

8:57 - Robin Lopez on the Suns over Darrell Arthur? Interesting. Mama Lopez (Let's call her "MaLo") is on double duty tonight. Robin's cap is hanging on for dear life. Great to finally separate the twins.

9:04 - Every mock draft in the universe amd beyond had Marreese Speights going to the Sixers, no shock here.

9:08 - The REAL Patrick Ewing, jr. goes to the Pacers via Toronto. Roy Hibbert's gonna ball. He's also a big, big boy. I think he'll do alright.

9:14 - Nevada's Javale McGee is playing NBA 2K8 at home while Darrell Arthur wishes he had a PSP in the Green Room.

9:20 - Bron-Bron will get J.J. Hickson's Lazy Town ass a workin'. Scrub de ub dub.

9:28 - The Bobcats go with Frenchie here. For all the kids watching, Alexis Ajinca's suit is entirely too damn big. Feel free to pimp it out like Eric Gordon's prom night number, but don't go with the sailboat look, childrens.

9:34 - I don't think the Nets constituency at the WaMu appreciate Ryan Anderson's existence. I think I overhead a cry for Scalabrine's return.

9:39 - Courtney Lee is the truth. He's gonna take people by surprise like Kevin Martin has. (Minus the S-Curl, of course.) I was taken by surprise at Jeff Van Gundy cracking a fat joke on his brother.

9:43 - The Utah Jazz miss out on Roy Hibbert and select Ohio State big man Kosta Doufos. (Say it with me now.)

9:45 - I'm going on a hunger strike until Darrell Arthur's grandma and little brother can finally get to sleep. This Chinese food is just staring at me.

9:50 - The Sonics take yet another African beanstalk in Serge Ibaka.

9:57 - Oh, it's a full-on French fest now. This part of the draft is French to death. Alright. I'll stop. Nicolas Batum, everyone! Welcome to H-Town. Let me pour you a pint of that Weezy Juice.

10:01 - The Spurs just plucked the illest point guard no one has ever heard of. IUPUI's George Hill is a beast and is gonna keep it hot for Tony Longoria-Parker. I don't think there will be any more half-steppin' from the lead guard position over there.

10:09 - Peanut can finally go to bed. Grandma's feets is hurtin'. I found out Darrell Arthur potentially suffers from a kidney disorder. When folks play keepaway with the medical records, teams are gonna get 'ta passin on them. That explains why my roast duck is cold. Now, if we can only get CD-R off the board...

10:10 - Darrell's mom looks like she can drive the fuck out of a truck.

10:23 - D.J. White is exactly the kind of banger Detriot is going to fall in love with. He and Jason Maxiell are gonna represent a proud Bad Boy-ish frontcourt. *clangs Coke bottles together* Baaaaaaad Boyyyyyys. Come out and playyyyyy!

10:24 - They still chant "Fire Isiah" in New York City, in case you were wondering.

10:32 - The Boston Celtics front on Chris Douglas-Roberts, Mario Chalmers and DeAndre Jordan for J.R. Giddens from Albequerque County Jail. Giddens can ball. I'm pretty sure he'll be kept in line by a group of champions. Boston gets the best available talent here. Let's just hope they don't invoke tragedy 20 years after... quite a fucking tragedy.

<End Round 1>

I Didn't Know Chad Ford Liked to Get Wet

The Worldwide Leader thinks The Proud Franchise is going to pass on Jerryd Bayless for the Olive Garden special.

Russell Westbrook ain't the only guard that can take it to the rack.

The final installment of Chad Ford's Mock Draft says Danilo Gallinari's gonna be dead in the middle of Little Italy. Little did he know we're ain't picking a middle man who wouldn't do diddly.

Are we?

I mean it's not like we've ever passed on the sure thing in favor of an overhyped Euro prospect before, right?

Okay, maybe Chad's not on the Sherman Hemsley. Maybe he just knows the Knicks.

The Proud Prospectus - 2008 NBA Draft: Knicks at Six

Like the rest of America's downtrodden, New York Knick fans cast their hopes into a transparent contraption full of marked ping-pong balls on the evening of May 20th.

As we all know, the balls were not kind to them.

With the most exciting lead-guard prospects likely to be long gone before Donnie Walsh gets his turn in the orgy, Gregg Popabitch and I are gonna shoot the shit about some names associated with the Knickerbockers and their *blech* sixth overall selection.

O.J. Mayo (G) - USC, Fr.

Ron Mexico: I just think people were afraid of him because his name is "O.J."

After that Simpson nigga destroyed the surname, I'd rather be known as "Ovinton J'Anthony." (wtf?) Definitely the best offensive talent available after Beasley and Rose are off the board. He might go second! A serious Kwanzaa miracle would have to occur for Mayo to be around at #6. We could call it Miracle on 125th Street. Underrated defensive player. Potential to be D'Antoni's perfect weapon.

Warning: He's not the "engine." (Pop has a Spanish engine plan for next lottery.) I also don't know where he got the money for that car on the SLAM cover.

Gregg Popabitch: Think a more polished and athletic Jam al Crawford. 

Even if Walsh is watching his weight, he still won’t “pass on the mayo”. Terrible puns aside, when it comes to pure basketball talent, he is in the same tier as Rose and Beasley. He knows how to play with the pill like clubbers, shoot like the fiends, and drop dimes like runners. Considering his NCAA violations, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did any of those things. Despite all that, dude is an offensive talent and can scrap on defense too.  He should be gone by the third pick but there could be a miracle if some teams don’t like his baggage or he doesn’t fit a need. 

Popabitch’s Verdict: Want, need, and willing to trade up for. 

Jerryd Bayless (G) - Arizona, Fr.

RM: There's our little caramel engine that could. Perez Hilton spotted him in the mall wearing a green and yellow promise ring, but there's some hope he could fall to #6. Minnesota and Memphis could do some crazy shit, selecting Brook Lopez and Kevin Love, respectively. This is also the only scenario for acquiring Mayo, provided Seattle does some crazy shit and passes on him. Bayless shows no fear going to the basket and has the floor vision to be the engine, even as a "combo guard."

His mentor is Steve Nash. His game is reminiscent of Deron Williams. He is your greatest case against trading down in the draft.

GP: Think a poor man’s Gilbert Arenas. 

What the hell is Lute Olson feeding his guards?  Arizona is a lead guard factory: Damon Stoudamire, Mike Bibby, Gilbert Arenas, and now Bayless. The man is athletic as hell and his range starts as soon as he enters the gym. He might go off in D’Antoni’s system. Only reason I’m not fiending to grab him is because I’m a huge fan of Ricky Rubio and Brandon Jennings (Surprise! He’ll be a freshman at the University of Arizona next year). Both will be available in next year’s draft.  I also wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. That’s right. He’s not a gift horse of the Eight Belles caliber. Haha. What? Too soon?

Popabitch’s Verdict: Want and need.

Brook Lopez (C) - Stanford, So.

GP: Think a very poor man’s Brad Daugherty. 

I don’t want this hippie. Any player that is described as a "very poor man’s" anything should be avoided like bitches with multiple cold sores. He can score pretty well and he’s a pretty solid rebounder but I might be more athletic than him. Knicks have enough unathletic big men that need the ball. Plus his first name can pass as a woman’s. No fucking thank you.

Popabitch’s Verdict: Don’t want, don’t need, and will dig a ditch to bury myself in soon after if drafted by the Knicks.

RM: Do not draft this doofbucket #6 overall. That is all.

Danilo Gallinari (F/G) - Italy

GP: Think Toni Kukoc.

Dude’s name sounds like an entree at the Olive Garden, but dude can ball. He can shoot, create his own shot, and has the potential to be a point forward in the NBA. That hole at SF is a glaring one for the Knicks and he could definitely fit into D’Antoni's style of play. One glaring weakness is that he doesn’t play very good defense. So he’d probably fit right in. 

Popabitch’s Verdict: Need but not necessarily want.

RM: See: Brook Lopez. Oh, I'm kidding, Luigi. He's not nearly as doofy. He's more like a doofbasket. I do see some talent in the one YouTube tribute he's got circulating out there.

He did put in an All-Star First Team season in a very competitive league for Armani Jeans Milano. That's pretty impressive. I'm sure Jerry Colangelo agrees.

If one more writer refers to him as an "Italian LeBron," I might go O.J. Mayo on a nigga. I haven't figured out what that would entail yet, but damn. LeBron's got 50 pounds of muscle over this box of linguine... and another 200 pounds of talent. I've even heard the "N"-word thrown around (Nowitzki).

Kevin Love (F/C) - UCLA, Fr.

RM: Some might consider Love a David Lee-type with a better all-around game. I'll fill you in on a secret. They make that comparison because they're both white. He's a bit lumbersome on the run. I know Love can shoot, actually hustles on the block and won't be a black hole on offense, but... Alright, I could live with Donnie selecting him. But only if he's moving one of the Klump Brothers and, of course, neither Mayo nor Bayless is available.

GP: Think a taller Carlos Boozer.

Yeah, that’s right. I might be the first analyst in NBA Draft history ever to compare a white man to a black man. Not since the days of “Pistol” Pete Maravich and Jason “White Chocolate” Williams have we seen such a thing as this. We are breaking barriers here at TheProudFranchise.com.  Love is a beast inside, can rebound extremely well, can pass extremely well, and can’t play defense worth a French Lick. (Like what I did there?) I think "a shorter Bill Walton with less defense,” but in this situation, you wouldn’t be comparing him to a black guy. Where’s the fun in that?

Would love to have him in a Knick uniform but we already seem to have a glut at big man. A "glut" is a good way to describe Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph in that they both practice gluttony on a regular basis. I hate them.

Popabitch’s Verdict: Want but don’t need.

Russell Westbrook (G) - UCLA, So.

RM: I think Westbrook is a great look if they trade down to #11 or so. #6 overall is way too high for a kid who can't shoot and whose lapses of judgment may not exactly be what Coach D'Antoni is looking for. Yes, he's a lockdown defender. He can run and jump. He'd do incredible things on the AND1 Tour. No one can teach him how to find the open man when he's unwisely trying to host his Garden Tea Parties.

Best Case Scenario: Rajon Rondo. Worst Case Scenario: Smush Parker. I don't think the risk/reward on this guy is sufficient for going so high.

Eric Gordon (G) - Indiana, Fr.

RM: I wouldn't mind seeing this guy waste away in a Knick uniform. A month before the NCAA tournament Gordon was widely considered a top-3 collegiate player. After a turblent season he reveals that he'd been playing with a fractured right wrist. Playing hurt through the septic tank explosion of a season that was his freshman campain at Indiana speaks volumes about the kid's drive. I can't speak for his integrity, though.

With our luck he'd get drafted by the Knicks and walk up to the podium wearing a Pacers cap.

GP: Think a bigger and more athletic Ben Gordon.

He can shoot and is crazy athletic in that he's really strong and has ups. However he doesn’t drive enough and tends to fall in love with his jump shot. The jumper comment describes all the backcourt players on the Knicks (and some of the frontcourt guys). Also, anytime I compare someone to Ben Gordon, I’m probably not that impressed. 

Popabitch’s Verdict: Don’t want and don’t need.

D.J. Augustin (G) - Texas, So.

GP: Think Damon Stoudamire.

Man can play the fuck out of the point but there’s a 67% chance that I might be taller than him.  Muggsy Bogues could probably post Augustin up. Verne Troyer might look normal when standing next to dude. When you ask a friend to lend you money and he says “I’m a little short,” your friend might be D.J. Augustin.

Thank you people, I’ll be here all night. 

Popabitch’s Verdict: Need but don’t really want.

RM: I know he's a little vertically challenged, but I've been watching this kid like the new guy in the prison shower. Well not that closely, but I know Augsutin can run a show. The Katrina survivor's not gonna bring New York a dunk contest championship, but he's definitely gonna dime it off to the open man on the break. Much like undersized and acronym-named Longhorn PG of the past, T.J. Ford, Augustin puts his diminutive frame on the line nightly and goes to the rack as hard as a player twice his size (say, Derrick Rose).

P.S.: His jumper's much better than Ford's. P.S.S.: He and Chris Paul are about the same size.

Anthony Randolph (F) - LSU, Fr.

GP: Think Lamar Odom.

This kid can do a lot of things with the basketball. But he’s way too skinny. His intinerary need to include an entire month of dinner at Outback Steakhouse with Carnie Wilson. 

Popabitch’s Verdict: Need but will only want if he hires Victor Conte as his nutritionist.

RM: I don't see Chris Bosh in this kid. I see Stromile Swift Tyrus Thomas. I do agree with the analysts who envision the other Randolph playing a Shawn Marion type of role in Coach D's framework.

Joe Alexander (F) - West Virginia , Ju.

RM: This is the guy that makes me wish we were picking a few spots lower and moving a contract to do so. How often do you find a shooter that's also a hustler? I'll wait. Sure, they exist, but it's not so easy to dig one out. You'd be digging all the way to Chi--

Eh. Pop, take it away.

GP: Think Tom Chambers.

Knicks have no real small forwards at this point unless you really believe in Wilson Chandler, which Ronnie does. Alexander is a small forward that is athletic as fucking hell, long, can shoot, play defense, and works hard. Plus he’s fluent in Mandarin so you know he can get his hands on some good Asian poontang. It’d be hilarious to walk through Chinatown and by happenstance catch Joe Alexander walking into a massage parlour. It’d be more hilarious to see Stephon Marbury following in after him. It’d be most hilarious to see Chinese interns popping up at MSG. You know where this is going...

Popabitch’s verdict: Want and need.

Editor's Note: Underclass forward-centers DeAndre Jordan (Texas A&M, Fr.) and Marreese Speights (Florida, So.) are potential trade-down targets should Donnie Walsh find a taker. DeAndre Jordan is not Dwight Howard. Stop that shit. I can smell Michael Sweetney/Ike Diogu all over this Speights guy.