The Proud Franchise

...And the Lord Heard Their Prayers

Obviously, I speak of Isiah Lord Thomas III, who listened ever so carefully to your cries and has acted accordingly. Thomas rescinded his acceptance of a part-time consultancy position with the New York Knicks on Wednesday.

Dolan Owns the Knicks, But Isiah Owns Dolan

As reported on Friday, the New York Knicks re-hired Isiah Thomas as a consultant. At the same time, he will also remain as head coach of the basketball team for Florida International University.

Wait... What?!

The Curious Selection of Jordan Hill

No. Not that one! The other one! The one with the nail in it.

Let's hope this Jordan Hill is as mature as he looks.

Knicks Acquire 29th Overall Pick from Lakers

According to DraftExpress.com's Jonathan Givony, the New York Knicks have acquired the 29th overall selection in the 2009 NBA Draft from the Los Angeles Lakers for cash considerations.

Allan Houston Can't Stay Away, Would "Love to Help" Knicks in Upcoming Season

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Now an entire season removed from the crippling effect of Allan Houston's league-maximum $100 million, 6-year contract, the New York Knicks may elect to make room for yet another guard on their 20-man preseason roster.

"Crippling"--such an interesting choice of words.

2008 NBA Draft Live Blog

7:35PM - David Stern is clearly trying to incite a riot.

7:38 - "And with the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft the Chicago Bulls..." do exactly what everyone expected. Welcome home, Derrick [Rose]!

7:41 - Rose says he has to come in and lead. Slow down, rook. You might not start. Let the team clear some space before you usher yourself in, my nigga.

7:44 - Michael Beasley better have gone second.

7:45 - Beasley's mom looks pretty young. I think I saw her on this past season of "Flavor of Love." She didn't make it out of that first night. She and homegirl with the underbite shared a cab home.

7:48 - O.J. Mayo's gonna loooooove Minnesota. Stern greeted Mayo with that "Heh. Don't fuck this up" look. Thanks, Kevin McHale for NOT fucking this up.

7:51 - Damn. Mayo sounds like a fucking muppet. What's up with his voice? Loving the glasses. Very sophisticated look. They say he's 19 years old. He looks about 31.

7:54 - OHHHH SHIT!!! Seattle really took Russell Westbrook #4 overall. Amazing. Is Jerryd Bayless gonna drop into the second round now? I think this is entirely too high to take such an upside play. Oh, well. Let's go Knicks!

7:55 - Kevin Durant seems pretty happy with the direction. I don't think he's gonna be happy when he's not getting the ball on the wing. Tea Parties in Seattle Oklahoma City next season!

7:57 - Jerryd Bayless seen tossing green-and-yellow promise ring in disgust.

8:01 - Memphis takes Kevin Love. Kniggerbockers are on the clock. It's on, homie!

8:07 - FUCK!!!

8:08 - Alright... If you couldn't tell by my 8:07 reaction, the Knicks just took Danilo Gallinari. We are officialy The Olive Garden. Rooster, you'd better light the fuck up. That is all.

8:09 - Reebok already had the "The Rooster" sneaker ready! It's orange, blue and black. Oh, my god. He'd better not choke on the "cock." Oh, man. Stephen A. Smith even tried to save this kid. New York fans are brutal.

8:12 - The Clipse have got to be happy as fuck to be adding Jerryd Bay--... Wow. Okay. The Clipse have got to be happy as fuck to add Eric "Sandman" Gordon to the Re-Up Gang. Homie's gonna ball. Teams are gonna pay for sleeping on dude. YEEEEAHHHH!!! CANNOOOOONNNNN!!!

8:15 - I've just been informed that Eric Gordon's suit came from Morris Day's forthcoming clothing line, "Mulatto Jizz."

8:18 - The Bucks took Joe Alexander even after trading for Richard Jefferson. I guess there's no rule against starting 5 small forwards. Fuck it. Milwaukee trades one Asian forward for another. Good luck with that, Skiles.

8:25 - Mike and Coach Brown take D.J. Augustin at 9 overall. They needed Brook Lopez. Wow, maybe Brook Lopez needed the Bobcats. He is crying his eyes out over there. There was talk he could go #3.

8:30 - Nets GM Ed Stefanski looked over at Stern like "WTF?" when Robin Lopez didn't follow his twin, Brook, up to the podium. This is exactly what the Nets needed. We're officially on Jerryd Bayless suicide watch. After last night's trade, I'm not sure if the Pacers take Bayless.

8:35 - Bayless is finally selected. Kid didn't even shake Stern's hand. He was like, "Gimme my cap, nigga."

8:38 - Bayless is going to smack T.J. Ford in the back of the neck as hard as he can at the first Pacer practice session.

8:41 - Sacramento suddenly put the seniors out of their misery. I don't think any of the Garden hooligans had any idea who was just selected. Rider F/C Jason Thompson? That was a Balkman moment, except Isiah didn't draft him for us.

8:47 - Brandon Rush sneaks into the lottery. Wow. That's gonna be pretty confusing for Portland. Brandon Roy. Brandon Rush. Eh, maybe not. It'll be more like "Brandon Roy... nigga on the bench.... Kareem's brother."

8:51 - "With the 14th pick in the NBA Draft the Golden State Warriors select Patrick O'Bryant Anthony Randolph!"

8:57 - Robin Lopez on the Suns over Darrell Arthur? Interesting. Mama Lopez (Let's call her "MaLo") is on double duty tonight. Robin's cap is hanging on for dear life. Great to finally separate the twins.

9:04 - Every mock draft in the universe amd beyond had Marreese Speights going to the Sixers, no shock here.

9:08 - The REAL Patrick Ewing, jr. goes to the Pacers via Toronto. Roy Hibbert's gonna ball. He's also a big, big boy. I think he'll do alright.

9:14 - Nevada's Javale McGee is playing NBA 2K8 at home while Darrell Arthur wishes he had a PSP in the Green Room.

9:20 - Bron-Bron will get J.J. Hickson's Lazy Town ass a workin'. Scrub de ub dub.

9:28 - The Bobcats go with Frenchie here. For all the kids watching, Alexis Ajinca's suit is entirely too damn big. Feel free to pimp it out like Eric Gordon's prom night number, but don't go with the sailboat look, childrens.

9:34 - I don't think the Nets constituency at the WaMu appreciate Ryan Anderson's existence. I think I overhead a cry for Scalabrine's return.

9:39 - Courtney Lee is the truth. He's gonna take people by surprise like Kevin Martin has. (Minus the S-Curl, of course.) I was taken by surprise at Jeff Van Gundy cracking a fat joke on his brother.

9:43 - The Utah Jazz miss out on Roy Hibbert and select Ohio State big man Kosta Doufos. (Say it with me now.)

9:45 - I'm going on a hunger strike until Darrell Arthur's grandma and little brother can finally get to sleep. This Chinese food is just staring at me.

9:50 - The Sonics take yet another African beanstalk in Serge Ibaka.

9:57 - Oh, it's a full-on French fest now. This part of the draft is French to death. Alright. I'll stop. Nicolas Batum, everyone! Welcome to H-Town. Let me pour you a pint of that Weezy Juice.

10:01 - The Spurs just plucked the illest point guard no one has ever heard of. IUPUI's George Hill is a beast and is gonna keep it hot for Tony Longoria-Parker. I don't think there will be any more half-steppin' from the lead guard position over there.

10:09 - Peanut can finally go to bed. Grandma's feets is hurtin'. I found out Darrell Arthur potentially suffers from a kidney disorder. When folks play keepaway with the medical records, teams are gonna get 'ta passin on them. That explains why my roast duck is cold. Now, if we can only get CD-R off the board...

10:10 - Darrell's mom looks like she can drive the fuck out of a truck.

10:23 - D.J. White is exactly the kind of banger Detriot is going to fall in love with. He and Jason Maxiell are gonna represent a proud Bad Boy-ish frontcourt. *clangs Coke bottles together* Baaaaaaad Boyyyyyys. Come out and playyyyyy!

10:24 - They still chant "Fire Isiah" in New York City, in case you were wondering.

10:32 - The Boston Celtics front on Chris Douglas-Roberts, Mario Chalmers and DeAndre Jordan for J.R. Giddens from Albequerque County Jail. Giddens can ball. I'm pretty sure he'll be kept in line by a group of champions. Boston gets the best available talent here. Let's just hope they don't invoke tragedy 20 years after... quite a fucking tragedy.

<End Round 1>

Roy Hibbert Actually Patrick Ewing's Son

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

NEW YORK - A star-crossed meeting with the St. John's Red Tampons took a strange turn for Georgetown star center, Roy Hibbert.

On a Wednesday night at Madison Square Garden where the biggest story around the assured ass-whipping was to be the matchup of New York Knicks offspring, it was Hibbert who yet again managed to take center stage.

After Anthony Mason, jr. saw his Red Storm take one in the face from their storied Big East rivals, he witnessed a Hoya family reunion.

"I was just about to meet my pops by the Port Authority when I overheard Pat[trick Ewing, sr.] telling Hibbert he was his daddy." recalled a visibly disturbed Mason, jr. "And it wasn't in like that 'Who's your daddy?' way. You could tell."

When asked if he was surprised by what he heard, Mason, jr. sounded more surprised that he'd heard anything at all.

"I can't believe he had dude on speakerphone."

As soon as Mason, jr. managed to break his father's hooker trance, the original Mase seized an opportunity to captialize off of his old friend and frontcourt mate. Immediately following a threatening voicemail from Mason, sr., the "Hoya Destroya" took the time to come clean following his own team's game.

"Tried to get a nut and I got a nut and what." the senior Ewing told reporters after a 107-91 Orlando Magic victory over the division rival Miami Heat.

Now that the paternity situation is out in the open, Hibbert and newly-discovered brother Ewing, jr. have much to talk about.

"At least one of my dad's kids is going to play in the NBA. That's a big relief to him and my mom, Rita." Ewing' jr. paused. "Okay, maybe not so much for my mom, Rita."

Hibbert's deft touch around the basket and hard-fought defense more resemble Georgetown's most beloved alum than his own namesake. The 7-foot-2 center's candor with the press is what may someday set him apart.

"Man, I'd love to continue in my dad's legacy now that I know what it is. I don't know if I want to rot on the Knicks and never win a championship, but I wouldn't mind being one of the 50 best when it's all said and done, you know?"

Hibbert managed to bring the forced reunion full circle by outlining his love for popular NBA extracurriculars.

"I like strip clubs as much as any other athlete, but again I'm glad I have a father whose mistakes I can learn from. I wouldn't mind learning that little drop step either. But no, if I hook up with a team dancer or something, I'd want someone to look to that can help me keep that kind of thing on the low."

It doesn't sound like he's overly concerned with the "Stay In School" initiative.

Labels: anthony mason, anthony mason jr, georgetown, madison square garden, patrick ewing, patrick ewing jr, roy hibbert, st. john's

New York Knicks Acquire Britney Spears' Children

By Ronaldo H. Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

NEW YORK - The New York Knicks have adressed their frontcourt concerns by acquiring Sean Preston, Jayden James and cash considerations from the Los Angeles Gigolos for Britney Spears, the remainder of her dignity and the maximum contracts of Penny Hardaway and Shandon Anderson.