I Dream of Rubio

The Don is at it again.

There are reports from a certain New York publication that Donnie Walsh still has his eyes on a certain 19 year old from Spain. No, the pedophilia laws in Spain are not more lenient for older, upper class Caucasian males. Walsh is still looking for ways to acquire Ricky Rubio, the Spanish prodigy originally drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves.  

Most of you who know me personally also know that I am in love with Rubio as much as an incredibly studly, strapping, heterosexual man like myself can be without crossing the line. The guy is the Domingo of dribbling, the Pavarotti of passing lanes, the other guy of the high pick and roll*. Rubio's court vision is legendary. In fact, he can probably see me typing this blog up right now and he's all the way in Barcelona. I'll be honest with you. I'm in love with the guy. But, it's creeping me the hell out--just having his eyes burning into the back of my skull, staring in to my soul all the way from Barcelona. It's a warm, soothing feeling in the beginning, but it becomes unsettling and uncomfortable after a while.

I'm crossing the line here, aren't I? Let me stop.

Walsh tried to acquire him on draft day in June and he's trying to do it again. So, who stands in our way? 

The evil Timberwolves general manager, David Kahn. If you need to visualize what he looks like, I'll provide an artist depiction:

Which one is actually Kahn? Would you believe me if I told you they both were? Now you see where our problem lies. Not only are we going up against the lord of the underworld, we are also facing the former dictator of Iraq who also now happens to reside in hell and may or may not have had WMDs at some point.** 

You see, we're not just trying to acquire Rubes--he said I can call him that--to save the Knicks franchise and help us reach the promised land again! Oh, no no no! We're trying to acquire Rubes so we can save him from the wrath of Kahn and a fate worse then death.*** 

I should definitely work for the Knicks as a spin doctor.

Notes:

*- Seinfeld reference. Pavarotti, Domingo, and the other guy (Jose Carreras) are The Three Tenors just in case you uncultured cretins have no clue what I'm talking about. Anyways, no one in that episode knew the other guy's name. So, he was referred to as "the other guy" throughout the entire episode. Also, two of The Three Tenors hail from Spain. Yeah, I know Pavarotti is from Italy, but so are Mike D'Antoni and Danilo Gallinari. You see? That reference works on so many levels. I gotta pat myself on the back for that one.

**- Do you think it's a coincidence that we couldn't find those WMDs and now we have no clue where Rubio is? Brilliant observation, Watson. Wait, what?! Rubes is in Spain? Considering Spain is not in America, we can safely conclude that Spain could be anywhere. In fact, Spain might not even exist. This is the type of logic I would use to garner votes from red states if I were to run for president.

***- What is a fate worse then death? Living in Minnesota, of course! Oh, I kid. I have a decent number of friends who call Minnesota home. You know who else calls Minnesota home? Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings do. They happen to be home right now! Do we really want Rubes to be corrupted by the likes of Favre? The answer here is obvious. I retire my case. 

That is, until Favre unretires it.

Comments

[Gamblingdiaries.blogspot.com]

if the knicks get rubio and have him, gallo and d'antoni on the squad, it would be the most likable knicks team since the 70s

[Mike Crown]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90fRlMQTdSs

I know this is off topic but I had to share.

[MBT Sale]

It's so nice to have you do all of the research for us. It makes our decision making so much easier!! Thanks.