David Lee for Carlos Boozer?

I must admit that while I love reading incessant trade chatter, I don't like to comment on it like the rest of the Chatty Cathy sports media. I'm not saying they're wrong for doing their jobs or whatever, but if you refresh RealGM as much as I do, believing every entry will make you a very confused ho.

I would suggest listening to Wendy Williams for your whorish informational needs, but she's left the airwaves to visually terrorize the masses. If I may offer a word or two of advice: Do not look directly into the nostrils. I repeat: Do not look directly into the nostrils!

Alas, I digress. Where was I? Oh, right--our latest morsel of hope.

Because the Utah Jazz has matched the Portland Trailblazers' offer sheet to one of Karl Malone's many illegitimate children, former franchise forward Carlos Boozer is ready to move on. Paul Millsap's long term arrangement likely indicates that The Church of Jerry Sloan and Latter Day Saints would love to ship Boozer--who exercised a single-season player option of over $12 million a few weeks ago. Meanwhile, David Lee is somewhere holding his breath for some inexplicable amount of money that even All-Stars haven't been able to secure this offseason.

Who knows? Given Utah's history of lust for melanin-deficient wunderkinds, they'd probably break off Lee and the Sith Lord Mark Bartelstein for the fuck of it. Boozer could be on the next flight to LaGuardia quicker than Prince painted his patio purple.

That's alliteration, holmes.

Do I actually believe such a sign-and-trade possible? Not really. While Lee would be in the upper echelon of talent Utah could receive before the season starts, I'm only entertaining the notion because it's fun to imagine Utah general manager Kevin O'Connor hesitantly sucking at his pen like a tormented Pookie in New Jack City.

They keep callin me...

If the Jazz wouldn't retain Boozer for a final season, they probably wouldn't pursue an additional power forward even if he would make a perfect Big Love guest star. Besides, the Knicks can't delay their student loan payment any longer. They've run out of hardship deferments and Utah will own New York's first round selection in the 2010 NBA Draft. Why help them out of the lottery at this point?

Fear not, Knicker lovers. If The Proud Ones can't move Lee and his Larry Bird rights in sign-and-trade for Boozer, the Indiana Pacers would bend over backwards in a three way.

Yes. I said "bend over backwards in a three way."

Comments

[Sankofa]

I feel almost bad for Lee, but he's still collecting millions. It's a strange market where Charlie Nobrows collects loot and a proven workhorse like Lee is left at the altar. The question I have is where will Warrick land?

[Drew Breez]

Mang, that Boozer-Duhon reunion might fool Chris into thinking he's an NBA caliber point for juuuust enough time to make a playoff run. Thing is, the Boozer-for-Lee trade is deceptively appealing, if only for the fact that Boozer is the same kind of stat hound that Lee is with slightly more skill. I've never trusted Mencia's game too heavy, especially after seeing that he plays according to his mood that week. If the Booze wants to be adored as a Knick, he'll have to abandon some of his historic sensitivity to roster changes and salary criticism in the press. In a sense, keeping him out of the pressure cooker cities like NY (and even Cleveland) was the best thing his agent could do for him.
Also, the sports gossip pages are the closest thing to a soap opera that I have. I'm still somewhat excited about Lamar returning to Miami to teach Beasley how to roll a SERENE L.